Safe Return Doubtful

What a long strange trip it's been

2006-12-18T01:32:00.000-08:00

Recommended song for reading this blog: John Denver - Country Roads (Take me Home) I had this one planned on my flight to Tokyo.

Well kiddies, this is it. My first blog entry was just under 4 months ago written on one of my first mornings in Tokyo. I remember at the time acknowledging that I was really just a scared little boy. Some things change. Some things stay the same. Im here now in Auckland, New Zealand for the second time counting the last 26 hours before I start my long trek home.

What happened in Thailand and Cambodia? Nothing good that I have not already written about in the posts that had pictures. Did bad stuff happen there? Yeah, some shit went down. I'm not proud of it. What happened? My passport and wallet were stolen in two separate incidents. You got your wallet stolen again? Yeah.. again... How did it happen? The passport was in a pair of shorts that were taken from a baggage room in a hostel in Bangkok. The wallet was pulled right out of my pocket while I was drinking on a beach in the islands in the south of Thailand. What did you do about it? The passport just meant going back to Bangkok and hanging out at the Canadian embassy for two days filling out forms and handing over cash. The wallet now is just a memory. How did you deal with having no ID and no wallet/visa card/money? It sucked but I managed, as per usual. I had to beg/borrow from this girl I met the day before (Colleen, If you are reading this, send me an e-mail so I can pay you back). I was able to get emergency cash from Visa via Western Union and a new Visa card in Auckland. Did you learn any lessons from this? No.

Enough about that. It's still a sore issue.

New Zealand though has been an abrupt change of course though. The people here have been the most pleasant, helpful and honest of all the nations I've been to so far. God has truly given New Zealand a disproportionate amount of the world's natural beauty (and packed it into two really small islands). I met a kind English bloke at the airport and found suitable furnished lodgings in Auckland. He bought a car a couple days later and I found myself hitching my way around New Zealand with him. Traveling with your own vehicle is really the only way to experience this country. The buses are hugely expensive and they don't pull over every 5 Kms so you can take pictures of the new scenery. Driving here is no chore. In fact, its often better than exploring the towns you find yourself in along the way. Mountain passes full of wild flowers and snow capped peaks and reflective lakes. Rolling green hills that no one cares about yet a first timer has to stop and stare, speechless at, while slipping into a catatonic fantasy about your new life is a sheep farmer just as soon as all the necessary arrangements are made. If I every have to go into hiding from the Mafia, a crazy ex-wife or the CIA, I'm coming to New Zealand with enough scotch and weapons to wipe out a Thai village, finding an isolated little sheep farm on a mountain side and spending the rest of my time on earth coming up with fresh new jokes about fucking sheep.

There is no one that would be reading this that I would not recommend coming to New Zealand. This will not be my last time here. In the 10 Countries I've been in on this journey, this is the first one I will come back to. Only with more time and more money. There are no pictures attached to this entry because my USB chord as been AWOL since Hong Kong and there is no one here to borrow one from. Hint Hint for a Christmas gift... Three weeks is the most amount of time I have spent in any country along the way and this is the only place I've been were three weeks seemed so laughably short.

enough though. Always leave a place with reasons to go back. This place has a lot

My flight home rivals the Iron Man in terms of tests of endurance. There are 46 hours between the time I board in Auckland and land in Toronto. 31 of those hours are on flights. I start with a 10 hour flight in the wrong motherfucking direction to Singapore where I will hang out in the airport for 12 hours before getting on another flight to Los Angelas. I've got four hours of smelling bad, and scrambling my circuits trying to figure out what time it is while in LA and then I am in the capable hands of Air Canada for 5 hours back to Toronto. This is the first time the terms "Air Canada" and "capable" have ever appeared in the same sentence.

So unless I end up on the business end of a firing squad in Singapore for possessing gravol or the terrorists or Department of Homeland Security take me down in LA (Terror Alert: High), it's looking like my safe return may now have changed from doubtful to probable.

Thanks for reading. Expect one or two more entries; one summarizing the trip and one with pictures of this inconceivably beautiful place.

Much love, Merry Christmas and all the crap

Looking forward to catching up in person soon

Brent

New Pics again - Thailand this time.

2006-12-06T16:51:00.000-08:00

So this is a little bit of Bangkok from the top of some temple... The city is far more modern than I was expecting. That having been said it is still in Southeast Asia and it has plenty of the same problems (hookers, thieves, corrupt cops and worst of all, travel agents). Still though. Nice city if you forget about the people.

Part of a trek through northern thailand involves riding on the back of elephants. My elephant was clearly from the "special" class as he could not for the life of him figure out that he was supposed to follow the path and keep up with the other elephants. he seemed to prefer getting yelled at and beaten by a thai guy whose frustration was about the funniest thing I've seen in south east asia.

The actual trekking through the jungle was one of the highlights of thailand (perhaps because it was finally a chance to get a moments peace, away from the pimps and ripoff artists that choke the streets of bangkok.) We spent 3 days/2 nights tramping though the jungle and mountains, staying in small tribal villages and swimming in waterfalls.

Despite the physical exhaustion, dehydration and gentle hangover we made it to this peak (about 1500m). the views were great and many a great picture was taken. (notice the slight bend in my knees -I'm trying to keep my balance and not fall off the drop-off below). Turns out I have mild fear of heights.

Mikkel, Anders and I rented some bikes on the morning after we got back from out trek. Neither of them had ridden before so they looked like pigs on rollerskates at first We had an awsome day of cruising down the highways with our i-pods blasting and getting off the beaten path and exploring old country roads and farmer's paths. The hot weather, long winding roads and awsome deserted mountains at the end of them made this really the perfect day of riding. This picture is the result of setting my camera up on the road and having to run back in time.

Me posing with the bikes (Honda Phantoms with 200cc sewing machine engines). Not a bad deal for $15 for the day. This is where the farmer's path finally ended. some local women working in the field looked at us as though we were crazy. maybe we were. nice mountain though...

Pics - Cambodia

2006-12-04T22:52:00.000-08:00

On our first morning in Phnom Penh, Anders and Mikkel and I went to a local shooting range. They have virtually no concept of gun safety which is fine because I have no interest in it myself. For a small fee they just hand any old idiot a gun of his choice and let them fire away at a target. I chose the Colt-45 and the AK-47 though they had lots of others to choose from.

What can I say? That's an anti-aircraft gun and that's me holding it. The bandana is there to make me look tough.

A logical next place to visit after a shooting range is probably here; The Killing Fields (its actually just where the driver took us). During this reign of terror in the late 70s under the Khmer Rouge, Pol Pot used this site for the seemingly indiscriminate killings of anyone he perceived as a threat to the revolution or the government. It is unknown how many people died here but estimates approach 100,000. Women, children, foreigners, the blind, the infirm and the elderly enjoyed no special exemption. The total lack rational that went into these deaths makes it all the more heartbreaking. In my travels, this place sits next to Hiroshima as a showcase of the ugliness and thoughtlessness we (the royal we) are capable of.

We arrived in Phnom Penh during the Water Festival, one of the biggest events of the year. The streets were choked of with hundreds of thousands of people having a good time and making life hell for cab drivers. Some places were far more crowded than this. You'd think I'd have something negative to say about it but I don't. It was a blast.

Just outside of Siem Riep is this: Angkor Wat. The mother of all temples. I assumed by the time I had reached this place and had seen about a million temples in Asia I would be all templed out. Impossible at this place. We arrived just after five in the morning so as to see the sun rise from in front of the main entrance. About 500 other people had the same idea. The main temple itself (pictured here) takes hours to explore but that only is the beginning of the day. For miles and miles around there are numerous stone pyramids, jungle shrines, ancient walls, bridges and gates that need to be explored. I will post more pics when I have time.

More new pics: Vietnam - Cambodia - Thailand

2006-12-04T21:11:00.000-08:00

Ha Long Bay in Vietnam. I spent two nights cruising around these limestone monoliths, swimming in the pea-soup water and getting sun for the first time. By far, the coolest thing in Vietnam.

Quite possibly the guilty culprit that made me black out and wake up the next day deaf in one ear and covered in mystery bruises. Worst thing I've ever drank. I doubt the snake cared for it either.

Me sampling the local tobacco in a street side bar with some locals. It tasted like raccoon hair that had been swept up from the floor a truck-stop bathroom but they were impressed that could manage to take it in without losing my lungs.

This drunk local couldn't speak any English but what he communicated very clearly is that he was Chinese and was a soldier in the war in Vietnam and that he was very proud that he had killed "many many American". At this point my American friend Monica (2nd from the right) decided that it wasn't so bad introducing herself as Canadian after all.

Pretty not bad for a backyard view for the people living in Sapa, a mountain town near the Chinese border famous for trekking.

French Canadian Charles attempting to do business with the local tribal girls. They are without a doubt, the cutest little people I've seen in my life. It's a wonder I didn't buy more than I did.

Cooling off for in a stream that feeds a large waterfall. I took some pictures of the local native girls swimming naked here but they aren't developed yet.
- stolen from Groucho Marx

I met these two Danish bastards, Mikkel (brown hair) and Anders (blonde hair) on the boat in Ha Long Bay and parted ways soon after. We met up again at a truck stop in the middle of the night a week later and I ended up traveling with them for a bit. That bit turned into one month that spanned three countries often times sharing beds to cut costs. By the end, they were like brothers.

After going to Nha Trang, and Saigon we went to the remote island of Pho Quoc. We stayed in bungalows on the beach, drank bottles of rum in the evening and had a great time. Can't imagine what we are looking at in this picture.

We were also traveling with a girl from just outside London. I was sharing a bungalow with her. I was reading a book on my bed when I heard a scream that caused me to turn white and damn near black out. Omdip (her name) had opened the bathroom door to discover this. I thought she had seen a dead body or worse. Still though this spider was big enough that he ought to have been paying a share of the night's accommodation.

The Hero of our story on top of Sam Mountain on his last night in Vietnam. Tomorrow there would be a boat ride into Cambodia. Look how relieved he looks to be getting out of Vietnam. Little does he know what horrors await him.

Pics - China and Hong Kong

2006-11-22T02:36:00.000-08:00

I finally got around to transferring all of my pictures to a dvd so I can now upload them onto computers and share them with you jerks.

Me at the Summer Palace or some shit like that...

The centre-piece of the Maoist hangover that pounds in the heads of the chinese. This is the forbidden city. Many emporers lived and governed from here for the bulk of Chinese history. What a cheekly little monkey Mao is.

I'm stuggling to find the words to describe how it felt when I had this photo taken. The Great Wall will forever be one of the greatest things I've seen/experienced in my life. Plus I was scared tp death of falling off. By far, the Highlight of my trip to China.

One my favourite pictures on the trip. I slowed the shutter speed down so the cars are blurry yet the bell tower is in focus. Oh yeah, this is the bell tower in Xian. I took this picture from the balcony in my hostel. Not bad.

What a great hostel. They let you play with swords when you are drunk. This poor german bastard was blind drunk and passed out in the chair in the hostel bar. In the event you are wondering, that is an apple on his face. Tomatoes in nose and toes not pictured.

I mentioned the pollution in Xian in my blog a few weeks ago. This was not a foggy day. Breath it in.

The Terracotta Wariors were as hyped up as the Spiderman Movies were and equally dull. These are the only ones have been fully unearthed though there are thousands more still burried. Originally they were painted as well but the paint dissolves in the first 24 hrs of exposure to light and oxygen.

Hard to believe this place is in China. Shanghai feels like another planet. The architecture here has been the most impressive in asia. There is the ultra modern, the traditional chinese (even the largest buildings under construction have scaffolding made of bamboo) and french and english colonial.

Hong Kong has one of the most famous waterfronts in the world. Something tells me the government pays to have these chinese style junk boats zipping around all the time.

The famous Hong Kong light show (try to imagine these sky scrapers flashing and playing music that sounds like an old nintendo from underwater).

I'll post more pics from vietnam and cambodia and thailand really soon. maybe.

An Open letter to Brent Richter from Vietnam

2006-11-21T03:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Richter, It was a joy to receive your letter. Most of the constructive criticism we get is simply shouted into the night sky by backpackers who have snapped and run amok in the streets pepper-spraying begger children. While much of what you have written is true, it is our suspicion that you are perhaps exaggerating. Remember, We are masters of terminological inexactitude (lying our fucking asses off) and we can usually tell when someone else is lying.
Rather than defend ourselves from your potentially accurate assessments, I think it would be more constructive for you to recall some of the more pleasant things in Vietnam
For example: Many people heard you describing Ha Long bay as "one of the most beautiful things [you've] seen in Asia". You got so drunk on free rice wine and some snake whisky (bottle of rice whisky with a dead cobra preserved inside the bottle) provided by the French tourists, you woke up deaf in your right ear in the morning and with curious bruises on your hands and arms. You met two of the coolest people you've met on this trip and now a month later you are still traveling with them.
Despite your complaining and hacking and wheezing your trek through the hills in the far north through the hill tribe villages was an experience you would not have traded for anything. Seeing the smart-ass little girls that have never had a day of schooling in their life yet have managed to learn English just by seeing tourists daily provided you with some of your best pictures of the trip (they charmed you into buying a bracelet too you hypocrite!)
Even the worst experiences you had, you now look back on fondly. Recall the hard sleeper train you took to Sapa. You made such great jokes about how similar your sleeper car was to a prison cell, complete with bars to rattle a cup on and peer down the hallways with a mirror, ply-wood mattresses and a porter that would be fired from any prison for cruel treatment of prisoners/passengers (waking up passengers to yell at them in Vietnamese in the middle of the night, trying to extort money etc)
The city of Nha Trang was where you first saw a real beach on your journey and remember how you laughed when you watched Mikkel and Anders getting tossed around like rag-dolls in the crushing surf. Even getting your wallet picked as you stumbled home from the bar with Anders was fun to talk about after you got over being pissed off.
Not to mention Pho Quoc. Here we have a beach Island where you had your own bungalow only meters from the beach, where you rode scooters and drank rum with your friends. An island where few backpackers make the effort of visiting. Eating meals in a thatch roofed restaurant on the beach with your toes in the sand and a couple tall beers in your gullet was the most relaxed you've been since you got off the plane in Tokyo over 2 months ago.

So yeah, The country is full of pimps, thieves, drug dealers, beggers and whores (and those were the good people)and no, maybe you never got a moment's peace in public from every third person demanding that you ride on the back of their scooter, buy books (and if you don't want books, then buy drugs,) or just plain drop money into their wretched grabbing hands, but you did have a good time. You do still believe your money was well spent and so what if you don't want to come back. Do you know what percentage of the worlds population will visit Vietnam? Neither do we but it can't be a lot so just be proud you made it.

Signed,
Vietnam.

P.S. (you wan marijuana?)

"Good Morning Vietnam" or "What Vietnam did"

2006-11-18T02:00:00.000-08:00

Recommended music: "Louis Armstrong - What a Wonderful World" note: Half way through the song, remove the cd and microwave it for 10 seconds.

An Open letter to Vietnam:

Dear Vietnam, Great country you've got there but there are some concerns I would love to address. First off, let me acknowledge that poverty is a language spoken all over the world and your country is far from an exception (in fact, Vietnam has the poorest people this Canadian has ever seen). Notwithstanding this context I still wonder about the following things:

I know cars are impractically expensive for the people of Vietnam and you've done very well by picking the scooter as the primary means of transport. They take up less space, they are cheap, they are easily modified for work purposes and they are very economical on petroleum. I learned while I was visiting your fine nation that the ratio of scooters to cars is about 90 to 1. Why though, have you summarily given the finger to all notions of traffic laws? I saw a total of 0 (zero) stop signs on the crowded streets and most traffic lights do not work. Intersections in Hanoi display the kind of chaos usually reserved for race riots and fires in crowded buildings. I'm doubly impressed that said scooters are frequently loaded with up to 6 people. Holding your infants up in the air whilst driving is a keen way to save space on the bike that could be used for cargo (plus it gives the little tykes a chance to learn the streets of Hanoi and maybe grab a breath of air outside the choking smog). Crossing the street (any street at all) involves staring into a flowing sea of scooters and just stepping out in front of them with the faint hope they will want to avoid hitting you as much as you want to avoid being hit. A challenge every time but maybe controlled stops would be a good idea and might reduce fatalities.

Next up: Catering to foreign backpackers. Vietnam is not having a hard time attracting them. Guest houses and hostels are always a bustle with people, most of them on a tour of southeast Asia. Yet unlike Thailand, Cambodia and Laos, yours is the only country that manages to make tourists sure they will never spend the money to come back. Maybe this is part of the plan but if not, I have good news. Changes can be made. Example: When westerners are eating in your otherwise empty restaurant, it'd be a plus if you did not allow beggers to flow in from the street and beg from us relentlessly while you look on in ambivalence. Also: Western people like things to be clean. Im sure the Vietnamese do too but if you want westerners to hand over their money in exchange for a meal, don't berate your children for killing the visible cockroaches. In fact, maybe even kill them and clean the place up so as not to attract them before the westerners come through your door. Again, I know poverty is the name of the game there but removing garbage from the floor costs nothing and I refuse to believe filth is a part of your culture. That would be racist, and tempt me as you might, I am not going down that path. As much as it is exciting and very much part of the travel experience, is it really necessary for all of your neighbourhoods to have distinct pungent stenches? Seriously. If my dog smelled as bad as the streets of Nha Trang or Saigon, I would have him put down.

Most importantly: Honesty. Well what can I say about this? I mean In my nearly two weeks in Vietnam, I don't believe I met one honest (English speaking) Vietnamese person. It seems anyone that can speak English uses it to lie to, cheat and steal from western tourists. Travel agents in Vietnam make Lawyers and Politicians look honest as the day is long. Some of my favourites include: "I'm sorry, there are no train tickets available for tonight. You must stay in my hotel and leave tomorrow." to which I responded with "Seriously, Has that ever actually worked in all the years you have been trying it?" (we later went to a travel agent next door that sold us tickets at double the price and lied to us about the class of ticket it was. Another is "No I'm sorry, the price of a bus ticket is not what it says in your 2005 edition of Lonely Planet. This is an old edition (bald face lie) and the price has gone up to the tune of %300)" anyhow, similar insults to intelligence happen with hotel workers, restaurant workers and so on. I never once felt as though I was on a level playing field during any of my financial transactions. The hookers that pickpocketed me and escaped on a waiting scooter were really just a more blatant form of what had been happening on a daily basis. Also, it makes both your police and yourselves look bad when someone witnesses the incident introduces himself as a police officer that can help and then collects the now empty wallet and asks for a reward. I'll let you dwell on that for a moment. His reward was pocket change that he had to pick up off the ground.

Anyhow, I must conclude. Though I had many unforgettable and wonderful experiences in your country, I will have no choice but to first mention the negative things there when people ask how Vietnam was. Perhaps it is not a priority for you. Perhaps it is but somehow it remains out of your grasp. Whatever the case, I deem Vietnam a failure as a nation. I'm sorry our relationship cannot be closer.

Shanghai and Hong Kong - Too far behind in blogs to come up with clever titles

2006-11-07T01:53:00.000-08:00

Ok, So more than 3 weeks to a month since I have seen either of these cities I am going to try to recycle a little bit about them for you.

Shanghai - One of the largest cities in the world () Shanghai is an oasis in China. Its modernity rivals Seoul or Tokyo. The people are far more civilized. All the things that make backpacking in china tough but fun do not exist here. People obey traffic laws (more so), many areas are built up with sky-scrapers that put our own in Canada to shame. In short, it is a place where you can finally let your guard down a little, and just have some fun. The city is not full of temples or shrines to see, there are ex-pat bars and great restaurants. The hostels are full of kids that spend their first couple of days there adjusting to being in a place in China where you do not have to simply accept that you will be stepping in phlegm on the streets.

I met awesome people, stayed drunk, toured the nicest parts of town and got a rather expensive flight to Hong Kong.

Hong Kong was not what I was expecting but there are many reasons to go there. The district my hostel was in is not one of them. Hong Kong is an Island with a district called Kowloon right across the water. It is one of the most densely populated neighbourhoods in the world and I hardly saw 5 hong kongese people there. It is almost entirely made up of tall buildings built god knows when and have yet to have any maintenance done. These buildings are all called mansions and have the various floors used as hostels, sweat shops, markets full of god-awful shoddy products etc. Almost everyone living/working/hanging out in this area are africans and indians. As you walk down the street you are accosted from all directions with business cards for people wanting to make you a taylor made suit or sell you fake rolexes. When i awoke on my second day with a hangover, I set out to find a bank and the first thing i experienced on the street was an indian guy jumping up in my face and yelling at me to buy a suit. Completely involuntarily i just blurted out "Fuck Off! and pressed by him. It took me a moment to realize what i had done and I was worried it might have been rude until i heard him say "Same to you, buddy". Then it all made sense. If people treat you like a cornered animal, you will eventually lash out like one. I felt no guilt whatsoever. The hostel itself was a new low for me but the shittier the place seemed, the more i enjoyed it. The island of Hong Kong is another story all together. The rolexes are real, the cars are all Bentley, BMW, Mercedes etc. The skyscrapers are state of the art and the business that ticks on inside them has profound affects on the prices we pay our useless shit at home. Each night there is a light show that goes on set to music. I met up with two very nice Americans staying in the same hostel and checked out all the sites together. You can ride a tram to the top of the mountain at the centre of Hong Kong island and look down at one of the most busy and modern cities from above. Outside the city we took a cable car for a 25 minute ride through the surrounding mountains resulting in a new winner for the "most beautiful scenery" contest. Atop these mountains is one of the highest and largest Buddha statues in the world. We managed to find a filipino cover band, playing in a german bar not far from where we were staying. They had better covers of queen and led zepplin than anything I've heard at home.

anyhow, I had become quite adjusted to the worst china could throw at me and was able to relax in the two most modern cities there and see some incredible architecture (both antique and ultra modern). China was challenge after challenge and these challenges were some of the most fun ones I've had on the trip. How does one book a train ticket when no one around speaks english? good question. you just show up and make an idiot of yourself and eventually it just happens. if you don't try though, you sit around getting anxious about what to do next. Garbage, excrement and smog compete prominence in your nostrils but you don't stop inhaling for fear of robbing yourself of an experience you've flown tens of thousands of kilometers to have. Counterfeit products represent i think 92%* of the economy in Beijing (*statistic may have been invented). Watches? Fake. Leather? Vinyl. Books? Photocopies. Designer clothes? Knock offs. Orgasms? Poorly faked.

There is much I wanted to see and do in China that my time and budget didn't allow for. That is how like to leave a country. Always a reason to go back.

Next up: Vietnam, one of the coolest places I've ever been to but will never in a million years go back to. Find out why when I get around to posting my next blog.

The Filth and the Fury of Xian

2006-10-25T08:28:00.000-07:00

I booked a one way flight to Xian to see the famous Terracotta Warriors (one of the many places claiming to be the 8th wonder of the world). My hostel was perfect. Right in the middle of downtown, great view, small enough to meet people, cheap drinks and palatable food. On my second day there I was finally feeling better after the whole Beijing debacle and no matter what I saw, I was assured it would be a great experience. Like most tours in Asia you have to visit 3-4 other places other than the one you intend to see (gift shops calling themselves museums). I got to see some of the poorest urban neighbourhoods in the world from a bus under a sky black with pollution and I couldn't have been more pleased. all of this was happening while most people reading this at home were eating a thanks giving dinner. Be thankful. Looking back now on past thanks givings, they seem arbitrary and meaningless because I'd never really seen what it was like for people to have nothing to be thankful for.
The warriors themselves were... Underwhelming. It is a long drive in traffic to get to them and when you arrive, there is little more to see than what you have already seen in pictures. If there were 15 or 20 wonders of the world, it ought not to make the list. Xian though had some real gems that made the trip more than worth while. Probably unknown to many, China has many Muslims - most of them in Xian. I walked through their small quarter and visited their mosque. It was serene, quiet and surprisingly spiritual. Watching old Chinese men in Muslim garb pray with children on their path seemed to take me away from the madness and disorganized that the Chinese depend on for normalcy.

I met some great people, drank plenty of scotch and spent just enough time seeing sights and hiding out in the hostel, watching movies and forgetting what place of the world I was in (something you need to do while traveling).

Xian is unspeakably filthy. When I arrived, I could not see the sky or the tops of buildings due to a grey/black smog that hung at street level. The fog permeated the first and second floors in every building I went in. This was not a result of meteorological conditions. It was smog from cars, coal fire plants, farmers burning grass and local factories. The streets too have more garbage and festering piles and streams of unidentifiable sludge than can be found outside a western garbage dump.

Now the fury. While I was out on the balcony of my hostel, taking pictures of the beautiful bell tower in the centre of town, I witnessed a fight in the middle of the busiest roundabout in the city. It started as a simple fender bender between a cab and a man on a scooter with his girlfriend. It escalated to the man and women yelling at the cabbie and soon after to a fist fight between the two men. While they were punching and kicking each other in the middle of a three lane street, the cops showed up and traffic just honked their horns and pushed their way around. when the men had tired themselves out and the girlfriend pulled her man away another cop showed up, this one equally useless. The cabbie and the man started yelling at each other and were about to fight again when the girlfriend tried to intervene. Her boyfriend slapped her across the face and grabbed her by her hair yanking her to the ground. Her head bounced of the pavement and she lay motionless for another 30 minutes. A third cop showed up somewhere while this was happening and behaved much the same as the other two cops and the crowd of about 50 onlookers. I have pictures of the entire incident which I will post when I find/replace my USB cord. The woman was eventually helped into another car and the police drove the taxi with the two men in it off.

despite the filth and the fury, Xian will likely remain of the best parts of my trip to china.

Next up: Shanghai - an oasis of modernity and civilization in the most ass-backwards country in the world.

Beijing - The Pepto Bismol Diaries

2006-10-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

Warning - This blog is written true to character for me and some may find it gross

Hello chums, its your old pal Brent. Remember me?
Let me tell you a thing or two about Beijing.
I flew in from Seoul not knowing a soul in the country, as per usual. My hostel was almost too easy to find and I got checked in no problem. 30 minutes later I was drinking beer with some Australians and a French Canadian that would hang out with for the remainder of my time in the city.

On my second day their I took a tour of the Great Wall (and a few tourist traps you are forced to go to with the tour). Some world famouse tourist sights are proned to be overrated. The great wall laughs these misconceptions off and offers more beauty and wonderment than you were excpecting. I could have spent twice the time there, hiked double the distance and still not really have been satisfied.
Right on schedule, my stomach started feeling... funny. Not funny like a stand up comedian but funny like a homeless schizophrenic shouting at the sky.
The next day I was in the Silk market parousing some of the counterfit goods and my stomach officially went on strike resulting in a sympathy strike by my head and muscles. I had the pleasure of using a squatting toilet for the first time but luckily I had a bird's eye view of it. The first round was a direct it but the second went laughably wrong. Vomit has the ability to ricochet off the slightest of curves and in this case made it clear under the divider to the next stall which met with a response of "Ayeeahhh!!! followed by garbled mandarin.

THe next two days were spent mostly in bed with some empty water bottles that I never had a chance to absorb.

When I was up and swinging again, I checked out Tianamin Square (no one wants to talk about a certain incident that happened there not to many years ago)and the Summer Palace. Tianamin is one of the most grandiose monuments to communism ever constructed (though China is to communism what Vancouver is to sunshine). Despite its impressiveness it remains very bleak. The summer palace was.... about 30 minutes away from down town.

Now as for what Beijing is like, it is very hard to explain to westerners...
The crowds on the street are the sort you see leaving a rock concert, only they move in both directions and are generally less polite. pushing happens.
the sky is yellow with smog which results in a lot of phlegm being built up in peoples lungs. floors, busses and the street are all perfectly acceptable places to deposit that phlegm and men and women of all ages take part. hkkktttt.... pitouie!
yes, children also shit in the streets.

The drivers are very skilled and thats good because they need to be what with no perceptable traffic laws. They treat red lights the way we treat yellows and accidents happen every few minutes. People lay on the horn for about 5 seconds at a time in lieu of using signals and I am not exaggerating that in the slightest.

Despite the laughable lack of basic sanitation and civilization, Beijing is a really cool place and I'm eager to go back whenever I get an opportunity.

next up: Xian - making Beijing look like cobourg ontario.

So long Korea, So it goes.

2006-09-27T05:16:00.000-07:00

recommended music for reading this blog: I dont know. anything with the word Soul in the title. There's got to be a million of them.

So, I am perched at a computer in my hostel where I have spent so much time in the last two weeks I've managed to make my own personal ass groove in a wicker chair. I fly from Seoul to Beijing, China tomorrow and I'm not about to burst into tears about it. So as not to give you the impression that Korea has not been good to me, let me snag about 15 minutes of your time to update you on whats been up and show you a few pics.

After being spoiled rotten (as rotten as kimchi) with hospitality and sight seeing with my old students in Jinju and Jeonju I made Seoul a priority. The city is bursting at the seems with palaces and shrines, all with the same placards saying when they were built, when they were torched by the japanese, when they were rebuilt and when they were torched again by the japanese and then finally rebuilt in the last 40 years. If i stepped foot into one more they would have to make new placards describing when they were torched yet again by a disaffected Canadian backpacker.

I, along with my german friend Jakub went to a Korean horse racing track to lay some bets down on the horsies. We were lucky enought to have a couple korean girls translating what the betting cards read and helping us place bets. In the second race I picked a winner and I bubbled with pride when i went to collect my winnings. Turns out the horse i bet on was a sure winner and i pocketed a cool 200 won (about 20 cents Canadian) which i promptly hucked into a nearby river. All in all it was pretty damn fun to yell at horses with a few thousand koreans.

Jakub and I also took part in the making of a korean movie. A producer came by the hostel looking for volunteers to play the role of lost backpackers in a scene for the movie. I have been preparing for this role for about 5 weeks now. I got to deliver a couple lines and they fed us lunch and gave some boxes of tea which met a fate not terribly dissimilar from the 200 won I earned at the track. The good news is, it will be entered in festivals and may possible be screened at the Toronto film festival next year and the whole experience was a lot of fun.

One of the highlights of my trip was visiting Cheongyaecheon creek in Seoul. It is an old creek that has been massivly developed into one of the most beautiful places in any downtown area I have seen. I was there with a 65 year old american english teacher volunteer and a chinese guy born and raised in Germany (I dare you to try to imagine that). There was a live musician playing guitar and singing while we sat with out feet in the river drinking Soju and laughing at the little kids that innevitably fall in the drink as they bounce across the rock bridges.

Today I visited the Demilitarized Zone in the north end of South Korea (where the border with North Korea is). The area is still technically considered a war zone so rules are pretty tight. There are few chances to take photographs (unless you want to risk being arrested as a spy) but there are a few museums and relics of a Cold War hangover that just wont go away including minefields, countless barbed wire fences, Hundreds of Korean solidiers with weapons drawn and a 1.5 km long tunnel dug through granit 70 m undergound those slippery North Koreans made after the ceasefire. What little is known about North Korea is that it is a messed up place. it is mountainous like south korea but there are no trees on the mountains as they have been clear cut for fule and so North Koreans can survive a little longer by eating bark. They are on average 7" shorter than south koreans due to malnutrition.

a beautiful photo of jinju on a beautiful day

Cheongyaecheon creek in Seoul. Single handedly made coming to Korea worthwhile.

Me eating roasted silkworm pupaes on the street. beats the ass off of kimchi.

The film crew setting up for a shot

Me with Jakub and the director, stars and producer of the film

North Korea from the DMZ. If you want to see more of the country than this, you have to get a special invitation from the government for one of their tours which involves an armed guard escorting you everywhere, a 10pm curfew, no photography without permission and no talking to locals at a cost of $3000 USD for 4 nights.

another bloody palace as it looked before i snapped and burnt the mother down

Due to rigid censorship laws, I wont be able to make any blog posts while I am in China. I think im going to deviate from my scheduled travels a bit again and go to Hong Kong and directly to vietname rather than go from the south of china back half way to the north pole to fly out of Beijing, connecting in Seoul and heading back down to Hanoi. This time though, no beautiful women await me as motivation.

Kurt Vonnegut books are saving my sanity in insane places. Ive read 4 so far.

Much love, keep the e-mails coming

brent

I'm a Seoul Man

2006-09-21T04:25:00.000-07:00

recommended music for reading this blog: James Brown - Soul man.

So It's been about a week since my last update and I have very little to write about. this is most likely on account of there being very little to do in Korea that merits being written about. This is not a completely fair assessment of the country but it does stand in marked contrast with Japan.

The people here are impossibly friendly and helpful (almost to a fault at times). If you look lost or inept in a public place (and those of you that know me will agree that ineptitude is part of my charm) you can start counting down from 10 and there will be an english speaking korean eager to help you. Maybe more than one. The canadian flag on my backpack is almost a hinderance here. If anyone that speaks english spots it on a subway they feel compelled to come over to talk. They usually say they like Canadians and tell me about a couple places they have been to in the US. It was fun at first but now I it just pulls me away from my book and I-pod. I think it stopped being fun when the girl told me outright that she had bad spirits living in her head that tell her to do things and that she was on the way to church (where she goes three times a day) and wanted to make sure that I was not a member of the masonic lodge.

I have been in and out of Seoul visiting the families of my former ESL students. I spent three days in Jeonju with the Yang family and two days in Jinju with the Moon family. Both of the spoiled me rotten with hospitality and made great sacrifices so I they could entertain and house me. This also assured that I ate plenty of tradtional korean food. more on that later.

Two nights ago I went our for a drink with Mr Moon, the father in the family I was staying with. We ended up in a Karioke bar. While he sang beatles and beegees songs, I drank budwieser on his tab. At least that was the case until a 40 something year old Korean lady who was about 4' tall noticed me and decided it was time to ruin the night of a foreigner. She came at me with the persistance and ferocity of Pepe Le Pew . I was accosted, dragged to the dance floor and forced to grind with her and Oh my dear God if I didn't try to get away. I eventually broke free (and i do mean broke free) and ran and hid. she tracked me down and wanted to make out and much worse. I was frantically trying to get Mr Moon's attention. He eventually spotted me in my desperate state and laughed and said "Ha ha ha, No Probrem". When Koreans tell you something is no problem, there is usually is a massive problem. It pains me to relive this awful memory. Just learn from my mistake and make a quick and rude exit when a 40something 4' tall korean lady with no command of the english language wants to dry hump you in an empty Karioke bar. I hope this story makes you laugh as much as it has made me cry.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will put some pictures up to break up the monotony of a story about a monotonous place.

This is a floating Torii gate outside of Hiroshima. I have read the warranty for my camera and it becomes null and void if I take any more pictures of torii gates.

A striking photo of some stiking ladies near the above mentioned Torii.

A model of Hiroshima as it looked before it was nuked

And after... The lives that were snuffed out instantly are nothing compared to those that survived long enough to see their skin melt away from their bodies or die of radtion poisoning. Fun Fact: there are still over 60,000 active nuclear warheads in the world. Write your local member of Parliament.

Me standing on a bridge with the remains of one of the only buildings to survive the blast in the background. It is being preserved as a monument to one of the ugliest moments in human history.

The country side of Korea is about 70% mountainous. As far as roads go, Korea is the most breathtaking place I've visited.

Re: what I said about the view from the highways here.

Me with William Yang in Jeonju

Me with Youngmin Moon in Jinju

Korean food is much more of a challenge than japanese. Staying with Korean families I had the pleasure of eating kimchi three times a day. Kimchi is cabbage that has been buried underground for 10 days to ferment. It comes out of the ground all red and spicey with an expected amount of gooieness. Tastes as good as it sounds. Imagine me shoveling forkfulls of it into my mouth and grinning while I tell everyone how good it tastes. Other than that, the diet here contains a lot of fish (cooking fish is kind of like an obscure afterthought). Most seafood here has the eyes on it still.

I miss Sarah.

My passport is currently in the hands of the Vietnamese embassy while they process my Visa so I am staying put in Seoul for the next few days. While I havn't had a lot of crazy fun in Korea (oweing largely to the fact that there is little to no backpacker culture here) I may find more of that as I spend a weekend in Seoul.

Write me because I spend more time in internet cafes than I do in the sunlight here.

thanks for reading. This blog is longer than most because I have more time on my hands because the internet is free here and I have nothing to do

brent

Memoirs of a Gaijin

2006-09-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

recommended music for reading this blog: The Vapours - Turning Japanese

So after three weeks of insanity I have parted ways with Japan. Before i left I took the shinkansen to Hiroshima. I no hostel booked but luckily I had some charming british friends that went above and beyond and let me stay on the pull-out in their posh hotel room. I realized soon after getting there that my Visa was not working. I think the phrase Up shit creek without a paddle can be bettered by being changed to being In hiroshima with no money and no visa. Like all problems in Japan though, this seemed to clear itself up within 12 hrs.

I visited the Hiroshima peace museum featuring everything one could want to know about the A-bomb dropping there. It was by far the quietest place in Japan. Many people choose not to enter for fear of the emotional hell it will bring upon them. It is my firm belief that all world leaders should spend a day in the museum before they are allowed to take office.

There is much to see and do in Hiroshima aside from history lessons in the asanine ability to burn, blast and radiate an entire unsuspecting city that 12-15 countries in the world are capable of within 15 minutes notice.

Back in Tokyo I spent more time taking in the sights with my friend sarah including a free concert by The Fray, Shopping, watching a sumo tournament and of course, imbibing in the drink.

I dont know how many times I will visit Japan but i know I will never understand it. It appears that cartoon characters, vending machines and uniforms are the glue that holds the society together. Near as I can tell Tokyo was mostly destroyed during WWII. Some time in the 1950s An insane asylum was used to recruit all the federal, prefectural and municipal governments. These people, completely divorced from logic and rationality then hired the most skilled engineers in the world to rebuild the concrete landscape with unimaginable towers of glass, neon and steel. Somehow, I think by accident, they produced the most logical and convenient subway system in the world.

Japan is expensive. As soon as you get of the plane, they grab you by the tit and squeeze. They squeeze and squeeze until you are purple sore and dry then they send you on your way. After 3 weeks the sheer randomness of things there begins to no longer phase you. When you start to understand things or stop being curious as to why, it is time to go. I recommend that you do not dig to find the answer why to the many oddities. You will go insane before you make any real headway. Just accept them and do your best not to piss anyone off.

I recommend everyone experience this at least once before you die, or at least turn 25 because it takes a very maliable mind to enjoy yourself.

I got into Seoul last night and was immediatly overwhelmed by the friendliness of the people here. Things are more laid back than Tokyo and the City is bordered by snow capped mountains. I still need to find a place to stay for the night and tomorrow i will take a bus to Jeon-Ju to visit one of my Korean ESL families.

I am pretty hard up for contact from home so drop me a line and let me know what you've been up to; no matter how routine or seemingly uninteresting. I will love to hear it.

Brent

There and Back Again

2006-09-05T01:54:00.000-07:00

Recommended music for reading this blog: The Pixies - Where is my Mind?

So, allow me to waste 15 minutes of your day with my exploits and pictures

I took a midnight bus to Kyoto hoping to get some sleep. I soon after remembered that traveling in Japan means you must stay up all night every third night. I arrived in Kyoto at 6:00am knowing no one and only the vaguest memory of the name of the hostel I was booked to stay in. A cabbie was uncommonly committed to getting me there and followed me into a posh hotel to get directions. I believe the place was called Kyoto's Shittiest Inn... or was it Kyoto's Cheapest Inn?.... That part isn't important. I found the place with the door locked and elected to sleep on the pavement for a little while. Turns out that wasn't the door to the Inn and I was awoken a while later by a old Japanese lady laughing because there was a kid with a Canadian flag on his backpack sleeping on her driveway. She showed me the proper door about 10 feet away. I didn't come to Asia because i was expecting it to be easy or comfortable.

Kyoto is famous for being full of shrines and temples still in their original condition due to the fact that the city was not bombed during WWII,. The city is to Japanese antiquity what Whitby, Ontario is to doughnut shops. I saw many shrines and temples and gardens and castles while I waited for the check in time. I met an english speaking japanese guy who couldn't have been more pleased that he could show a forigner around.

The hostel was full of Limeys, Dingos, Kiwis and Canucks that I hit it off with right away. We got kicked out of the hostel for being too loud and drunk. We went out for what I assume will be the most fun night of drinking I will have in Japan. Japanese reggae is something I couldn't invent if a tried but they seem to have it nailed down. Memories of the night get sketchy but I do remember getting kicked off the stage and meeting a beautiful girl.

The next two days were more sight seeing and we managed to find a restaurant a couple doors down that sold pints of beer \100 (less than $1 canadian). Let me tell you, that beer contained some of the finest tap water in Japan but it did the drick (just a little bit slower). I was quick to miss the excitement of Tokyo. Once you have seen one or two shrines, you have seen them all.

I came back to Tokyo on the Shinkansen (Bullet Train). It cost about what the down payment on a house in the suburbs does but moving across the country at 300kph is worth it.

Last night was another night out in the club district with my Kyoto people here in tokyo. $40 and you can drink for free all night (and i do mean all night and i do mean all you can drink). I got back in around 6:00 this morning.

The staff here at the hostel are laughing at me because I am wearing a shirt i bought with Japanese writing on it that says something to the effect of "i am an obsessive fan of Japanese animated porn featuring young girls". Motherfucker at the store told me it said "crazy".

I am supposed to fly to Seoul tomorow but two weeks in Japan Isn't enough and three weeks in Korea is too long so for an extra $200 I am going to take the bullet train to the west coast and take a boat to Korea. Allegations that I m doing this for a girl are only half true.

Much love

me at the golden pavilion...yeah

you know those little Japanese Zen gardens you can buy with rocks and sand and stuff? They made a huge life size one of those here obviously modelled after the little ones.

shortly before we got the boot

Kyoto is beautiful

try walking that with a hangover only to find it is not open to the public

some civilized and sophisticated gents and myself out for an evening stroll in Tokyo

very civilized and sophisticated

The Definitive Tokyo Blog

2006-08-29T22:06:00.000-07:00

Recommended music to listen to while reading: Aneka - Japanese Boy

So finally the time has come for me to leave Tokyo. Let me tell you about a few of the things I have seen, Done and had done to me. You May have noticed that the previous entries seem to be incoherant at times. While you can probably bet that I have been incoherant ｍyself for much of them, the blog wierdness i have to blame on these computers. The space bar is about the side of the ctrl key and any key around it immediately changes everything to japanese and causes weird formatting stuff to happen.

So I've nailed down just about every tourist trap/sacred shrine in Tokyo now. I had at night out partying in the entertainment district called roponngi. Its full of ex-pat bars and tourists from around the world (its also the only time/place in Japan where you see any black people). The subway stops running at midnight so if you want to stay out past that, you have to wait until the trains start running again at 5;00am or take a cab that costs about as much as 5 nights stay in my hostel. The club we were in had a cover of about $35 canadian and was full of models and NCAA basketball players. The VIP section has a sign that said "You must be this high (on cocaine) to Enter. The Imperial Palace is beutiful, the Meiji Shrine is Beautiful and blah blah blah. Neon signs here dominate skyline and leave you with sun-spots in your eyes if you stare too long. You know that massive pedestrian crossing you see in movies and stock footage and demonstration DVDs they play on all the TVs in Future Shop? I went there and the experience i can best liken it to is being in a mosh-pit at a hardcore punk concert full of business men on cell phones and trophy wives with shopping bags and I was there at a quiet time of the day.
Getting by with English here is easier than you think though most people do not speak it. Most people speak a little bit so if all you want is a little information, you will probably get it. Getting into a cab and just saying "love hotel" does nothing though. It helps knowing Japanese words as well.
Aragato Gosaimas = Thank you very much
Gomenesai, Bacca Gaigin = I'm sorry, Forgive me, I am a stupid forigner

Both get used a lot and usually draw laughter. The people here are very friendly and are usually very eager to help. The city is the cleanest and safest ive ever been in too.

Two nights ago I climbed Mt Fuji. Its about 2 hrs away by bus. I started climbing with an American and a couple Koreans around 8:45 at night. We arrived at the summit around 4:00 am. The temperature at the top was about -1c and I had sweat through all of my clothes. The air up there is pretty thin and i saw a lot of people with altitude sickness (puking, headaches, gasping for air). There are huts you can rest in and buy noodles or tea for about the cost of a monthly lease on a Mini Cooper but they are the only places you can go to get warm. The sky started to change colour slightly around 4:45 and people were getting excited. around 5:05 the sun was about to appear on the horizon though it was particularly cloudy. by this time there were probably 200 people at the summit with more on their way. The climb itself wasn't that bad. some parts are really steep while other parts consist of countless long switchbacks of loose rockey terrain. The climb up was well worth it though when I saw the sun breach the horizon. The clouds parted just as the massive orange ball appeared. A Japanese man that sounded just like Mr Miyagi somewhere on the summit began yelling very epically "Ohi-yo Fugisan! BANZAIII!!!" (good morning Fuji, Banzaii (a Japanese expression of glee)). The crowd echoed the Banzai. I just got a tingle down my spine while writing that. Hundreds of meters below there were other clouds the sun was rising above. I met a stereotypical jolly german guy with immaculate enlglish but sounded hilarious that was willing to take lots of photos of me. After the sun was up the temperature became a little more livable but I noticed my lungs were very sore from the thin air. The crater in the centre of the volcano is almost as impressive as the view of the lakes, forests and mountains surrounding the area. After a few photos i decided it was time to head back down. It took about 3 hrs and was easily the most physically strenuous thing ive ever done in my life. There is a seperate path for people going back down that consists of probably 80 switchbacks covered in loose dirt and rocks. My knees hurt so much when i got back, i considered buying a cane to help me around. Plus the complete lack of sleep, nutrion and total phsical exhaustion from the climb up and alititude. The only thing that keeps you moving down is knowledge of the fact that no one is there to help you if you give up and resting will probably make your legs tense up even more.

When I got back to the base I slept on the concrete for a bit and my Korean friends were able to get me on a bus back to Tokyo (which i did not have a ticket for). I celebrated with a beer and shower and 3 hr nap before going out again last night for dinner and some more sight seeing. Today my legs and knees are still sore but not nearly as bad as i was expecting. I have, however seem to have lost all feeling in my big right toe.

I am leaving Tokyo tonight for Kyoto (assuming i can book a hostel there (everything seems to be full)

Some pics so far-

2006-08-29T21:58:00.000-07:00

Me on top of Grouse Mountain in Vancouver

Sensoji Shrine a few minutes away from my hostel

what the Hell am i eating? Is that a dead shrimp?

That messed up intersection with a few of my closest friends

nothing　like a quiet market for some relaxed clothes shopping.

Some things here are so beautiful it is humbling

Me at the Meiji shrine. not bad eh?

I took a picture of some nice japanese people having their photo taken. Its nice japanese people having their photo taken. They were dressed well and seemed very nice. That is all that is notable about this picture.

some drummers i happened across in the shopping district

Mt Fuji from the bus on the way there

This is the Sun rising from the top of Mt Fuji. I have never seen anything so beautiful in all my life.

Me at the summit of Mt Fuji with some Japanese guy that really wanted his picture taken with me.

Tokyo pt 2

2006-08-26T18:16:00.000-07:00

Oh the things you will see,
after a rough evening and morning in Tokyo I found my stride pretty quick. I met up with another Canadian from Scarlem and she and my american friend and I went out on the town. I dont know how to communicate what we did without being really boring about it. Ill be quick.

There is an OLD shrine just around the corner from the hostel along with an entertainment district full of shops, restaurants, pachinko casinos (like slots machines designed to bring on early onset deafness). We went to a fish market that smelled so bad I thought God had turned hsi back on the japanese for good. However, eating sushi that was reeled in that morning is an emotional and life changing experience well worth it.

We toured bizarre shopping districts where the faux punk scene for young non-comformist japanese kids go to buy pre-ripped jeans and shirts emblazoned with real-honest-to-god nazi insignia. The street was called Takashita. Ill let you dwell on that for a moment.

Tokyo pt1

2006-08-25T05:13:00.000-07:00

suggested music for this entry: Blue Rodeo - What am I doing for this entry: Blue Rodeo - What am I doing here?

I got into Tokyo last night. another 24 hrs of the pain that is being awake. I got a the pain that is being awake. I got a good 1 that is being awake. I got a good 10 hrs in LA though. The flight was very comfortable and i met some cool people on their way to thailand.
In the immigration line @ narita airport outside tokyo I met an line @ narita airport outside tokyo I met an american dude that was a lost and alone littly puppy, just like me.
a train ride happened. a cab ride happened and checking into a hostel happened. then drinking happened, the vending machines sell massive beers for about $140. It only took two and i was feelin pretty relaxed (drunk). We met another WAS feelin pretty relaxed (drunk). We met another american kid that is fluent in japanese and is studying japanese lit. he walked us through some quiet commercial neighbourhoods where we sat down for sushi and I celebrated my 24th hr awake. You can fully drink on the street here. its not even illegal. The sushi here. its not even illegal. The sushi here makes the sushi at home look like kraft dinner with a side of rancid egg salad.

I woke up this morning jet lagged and.... woke up this morning jet lagged and.... lost. up this morning jet lagged and.... lost. I kept asking myself What the hell am i going to do? where do i hell am i going to do? where do i go now? how do i get by. My american friend woke up later and we wandered the neighbourhood looking for an ATM that accepts our cards and a place for breakfast that didn/t scare the shit out of us.

off the cuff, Tokyo can be a pretty intimidating place when you dont know the city, the language or even what lies beyond the next door.
i admit pt 1 of the tokyo blog is a little depressing and makes me look like a little candy-ass. Wait for part 2. Im on top of the world now

What the hell am I doin drinkin in LA?

2006-08-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

Recommended song while reading: Bran Van 3000 - Drinking in LA. (quite gay but I challenge anyone to come up with a more appropriate song)

What the hell am I doing drinking in LA?

Well, I'll tell you.

The calamity that has befallen me in the last x hours, I can't begin to describe. I will try to make it short.

My flight from Van to LA had to turn around after half an hour because our cabin was not holding pressure. We sat on the tarmac at YVR for a few hours and we eventually changed to another plane. Turns out when we were landing the Pilot didn't dump enough fuel into the ocean and he damaged the plane on our landing.
flash forward 4 hours of sitting next to the most annoying 18 year old god has created and a crying baby to bring up the rear and I am in LA. We did however have the company of the devastatingly handsome Pierce Brosnon and the guy from the A&W commercials (and he is full on skid in real life - denim jacket, jeans and a wallet chain to boot).
My flight got in after my contacting flight to Tokyo went out. So they put me up in a Hotel in Los Angelas for the night. This place is to smog what Van is to mountains. The people are rude, greedy and bigoted and those are their good points. After landing in LAX I learned that 90% of the people who had missed connecting flights had already been rebooked to fly out today. not me though. they lost my luggage. I finally got it back at 6:45pm.

So I checked into a hotel at Air Canada's expense and I will be flying out tomorrow. I've spent my time here draining scotches with some dude I met in Vancouver at 7:00 am this morning. He wants me to go to a strip club but he is drunk as fuck and more than a little creepy.

oh yeah. I've been awake for almost 40 hours now. I don't know why I haven't crashed but whatever.

I'm Drinking in LA

I'll sleep when I'm dead.

I must say this is some adventure.

So long Vancouver,

2006-08-21T23:25:00.000-07:00

Suggested music for reading: Leaving on a Jet Plane (may put my sexuality into question but.... meh)

Ok. After 2 weeks of retirement in Canada's most beautiful city, its time to say goodbye. There is nothing I've done here that I do not recommend anyone reading this also do. Now, I have been drunk foor the better part of the last two weeks so consider that part optional but I think everyone should:
-Hike to the top of Grouse Mountain in North Van
-Buy scale replica plastic guns in Chinatown
-Ring up a $200 bill at Kobe Japanese Steakhouse
-Have your credit card mistakenly sent home with a stranger that lives in Langley BC by some coked out waitresses, use cunning gumshoe skills to track said stranger down and meet a sweet girl willing to drive you out there to get it.
- Catch some pepper spray in the throat and nose
-Hang out with real honest-to-god hippies
- Find an obscure European barber shop and get a straight razor shave
-Make big talk about going to a nude beach and put it on the bottom of the list of priorities.
-Bike along the seawall of Stanley Park stopping to admire the mountainous scenerey, salt air, cruise ships and sea planes playing chicken
- Subsist entirely on Sushi, Pad Thai, Pho noodles and cheeseless $1 pizza.
- Help put the kids of Heinekin shareholders kids through university

enough about that. My flight leaves in 9hrs and I still have some loose ends to tie up. One of them is named Kaylne.

My love to friends and family at home, patients at the office and anyone else that might be reading this.
My next post will be from Tokyo. I will be culture shocked, exhausted, confused and irritated and lost. In short, mildly more pleasant than you know me to be

also: follow this link to see an entertaining picture from bowmanville that I sent into collegehumor.com a few weeks ago: http://www.collegehumor.com/pictures/alcohol/1700553/

If life has tought me no other lessons...

2006-08-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

It's that plans change.

I stopped in at a travel place today and learned a few things. Namely among them that you cant just fly to Japan, Korea, China or any of those other loser countries with a one way ticket. No proof of exit = no visa. I understand it didn't use to be that way. I'm going to do a little more research myself before i confirm the booking they have held for me which includes preset flights to Tokyo, Seoul, Beijing, Hanoi and so on and so forth. I am tentatively booked to fly out to Tokyo on the 22nd

So im stuck in this dreadful shit trap of a city called vancouver for two more weeks.

seriously though, this is the most beautiful city in Canada and the weather is amazing right now.

Welcome.. or piss off, Sort that Part out Yourself

2006-07-18T21:40:00.000-07:00

Hello all. This is the first post I will be making that I intend anyone to read. In the event that you don't already know, I'm leaving for Asia in a couple weeks. The trip is already 6 weeks behind schedule so who knows what plans I have will come to fruition. I will leave you to take bets on that. This blog is to let people keep up with where I am, what/who I've done and what I vaguely guess comes next.

In short, no one likes long mass e-mails from friends and family abroad. You've got them before. You read the first paragraph and maybe the last one and respond with e-mails that say "Sounds like you're having a great time, take lots of pictures" and all that other crap. Instead, if you want to keep abreast of my travels, it'll be up to you to check this site. ( www.safereturndoubtful.blogspot.com ) - the name comes from a line in a want ad placed by an Antarctic explored in the early 20th century that appears at the top of the page. I chose it because of the general humourous theme of my trip.

My guess is that posts will be made irregularly when I can sit at a computer and post an update and some pics if I figure out how. I will consider it a success if I make one post for every country I go to.

That said, I plan on going to:
Japan
South Korea
China
Taiwan
Vietnam
Cambodia
Thailand
Malaysia
Singapore
Australia
New Zealand
Fiji
Hawaii

Anyone who reads this owes me $50 if I make it to all of them.*

This is my first real post and it's already too bloody long.

My next and shorter post should follow just before I leave.

*fuck you - I'm collecting

2006-06-27T13:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, after attempts on myspace, msn space and this thing... whatever it is called, I have decided to make this the log I use for my travels over the next few months. I am still learning how to use it which is fine as I suspect no one will be checking in on it unless I send it to them over MSN and ask what shows up.

2006-06-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

I believe this is the beginning. I will figure things out from here...